Diane Wiessinger in Israel

Diane Wiessinger is a La Leche League Leader in Albany, New York, and an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC). In her classic essay Watch Your Language, she explains how we undermine breastfeeding by speaking about its "advantages." She is also known for her creativity in explaining correct latch-on to breastfeeding educators and new mothers.

While Wiessinger is visiting Israel, I plan to combine two of my loves, blogging and breastfeeding, by reporting about her talks. Topics scheduled for tomorrow include "Changing Paradigms in Infant Latch" and "Words Create Reality--Making Breastfeeding the Norm." (See this site for details.) In her third talk, "Lactation Consultation: Art or Science?," Wiessinger will talk about different approaches toward a nursing dyad experiencing difficulties, and how to become a "breasteeding detective."

Here's my report from the Jack Newman conference in 2006.

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Correcting Others

This article by Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsburg caught my eye. When the author's friend became a grandfather he told everyone that he had become an einekel, Yiddish for grandchild, instead of a zeidy, Yiddish for Grandpa. No one corrected him, including the writer, until the grandfather had told possibly hundreds of people. He then asked the writer to spread the word about the importance of correcting people.

This made me feel good because I often find myself correcting others. As I wrote here, I started young and the trait seems to run in the family.

In college, my English professor was once talking about poetry. He said that sometimes seemingly unimportant elements of a passage are emphasized, and gave the example of the Bible. "In the Bible," he said, "insignificant words are put in italics." I explained to him that some biblical translations italicize words that don't appear in the original Hebrew like "is" and "the." (This site gives examples from the King James translation of Psalms. Apparently some fundamentalist Christians take issue with the additions.) I realized my comment might embarrass him, but felt it was more important not to leave the other students with the misinformation. I did make the correction directly and respectfully, as recommended in the article, and I hope he forgave me.

Occasionally I correct my fellow bloggers, most often by email. If you have been a recipient of my constructive criticism, consider it a compliment. I only go to the trouble if I think the blogger would care, since I have enough editing and fact-checking to do for my own writing -- I continue to find errors in my older posts.

Like most people I don't enjoy being corrected, but I still prefer to find out about my mistakes in order to improve myself and so as not to (continue) look(ing) ignorant.

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The day is short, and the work is great: Efficient Shabbat Preparations

It seems that just when Shabbat starts to "come in" (as my kids say) at a normal hour, the clocks get switched back. With candlelighting at around 4 PM, I have to be organized. Below I post techniques that I have used.

I prefer not to cook in advance. With certain exceptions, food pulled out of the freezer is not as tasty as fresh, and you can't refreeze leftovers without sacrificing the quality further. And if I cook on Wednesday or Thursday, I'm loath to serve the leftovers on Sunday or Monday.

1. Plan menus with an eye toward leftovers. If your side dishes are pareve (neither meat nor dairy), you have more options later. Seasoned potatoes, vegetables, or rice can go in another dish, but not potato kugel. The potatoes or rice are a healthier choice anyway.
   
2. Plan which ingredients I need for each recipe--no need to make a mess of onion peels twice. If you plan to cook vegetables, you can prepare extra and freeze them for another time.
3. When freezing, rotate so as not to make too many items in the same week.
4. Marinate chicken the night before and refrigerate it, ready to go in the oven on Friday. You can freeze prepared raw chicken and defrost it in the refrigerator over Thursday night. Just don't refreeze raw meat.
5. Avoid unnecessary dish-washing. I chop enough garlic for both the chicken and the techina in the food processor. Then I remove what I need for the chicken and continue making the techina.
6. When I make challah, I roll and fill part of the dough for a yeast cake.
7. Avoid making a lot of items. Each one must be cooked, stored, served, stored again, the utensils washed, the leftovers used up, and so on. Most people, including guests, prefer fewer items and a less frazzled hostess. One-dish meals work well too, but if they include meat check that your guests aren't vegetarian. (I've found that vegetarians who grew up kosher tend to be stricter about picking vegetables out of meat dishes.)
   
8. Consider preparing meal-sized packages of commonly used combinations. For instance, barley, beans, spices, sliced onions and carrots can be combined and divided into a few containers, then frozen. Add potatoes and meat to the contents of one container, and your cholent is ready to go. Cooked noodles for soup can be stored the same way.
   
9. Most kitchen work involves preparing vegetables, so I peel, wash and chop the day before. If my kids are around to help, even better. Keep in mind the little-known halacha* that peeled onions and garlic should not be left out overnight. Peeled potatoes can be soaked in water to avoid getting brown but with the shortage you will want to have another use for that water. A more nutritious and economical method is to cook unpeeled potatoes and remove the peel after they cool.
10. Marinated salads are better cooked in advance, but most undressed cut-up salad vegetables (not tomatoes) can also handle a day or two, or longer, in the refrigerator. I've heard that a glass container works better than plastic for this purpose.
    

*Little-known halacha: A point of Jewish law that I did not know when I got married.

In this post, Trilcat shows how she combines a simple menu with some ready-made items to enjoy a stress-free Friday and a delicious Shabbat.

How do you handle winter Shabbat preparations? Reply in the comments or send me a link to a blog post.

New blog posts can be found at A Mother in Israel.

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Hug your community moderator today

They have been around so long we take them for granted. They are where we go to find a ride, recommend a babysitter, and ask about electricians. I am talking about the English email lists that exist for every community with a reasonable number of English speakers. Janglo (short for Jerusalem Anglo) is the biggest with its own website, while the Jordan Valley's group has five members.

I started the local list and continue to moderate it. At times it can be a thankless job. One member thinks the list is unfriendly, while another thinks there is too much discussion. Some posters have to comment about everything. Then there are the small businesses and public relations professionals who have discovered that community email lists are a free way to reach consumers. One even used our list to try and sell a $2 million property on the Tel Aviv beach. Do you think I could ask for a commission?

I decided to learn how moderators of other lists handle these issues, so I started a "meta-community" list for moderators and began inviting. Just reading the various list's rules has been enlightening. About ten moderators have joined so far. We all share problems with annoying posters, pushy advertisers, and people who just can't seem to follow the rules.

I get a lot of satisfaction in running the list. I know people have found rentals, service providers and helped people considering moving here (the main reason I started). I'll share the last part of an exchange with a potential oleh, after I wrote him a long email about our community:

Hi Hannah:
We decided not to make Aliyah. Thanks for your assistance.
Please remove me from the list.

Hannah wrote:

Just push Unsubscribe on the next message from the list.
I hope it wasn't something I said!

Hannah,
No, you were one of the few from Israel who did not act like a sour innkeeper, put off because a guest entered the lobby of their establishment -- which has become pretty much my view of a number of Israeli's -- especially those in the service sector.
I thank you though for dispelling that idea.

There are some people who will be happier not making aliyah.

Teen locked in apartment; Parents unconcerned

A reader sent me the following story:

Two days ago my daughter L's 8th grade class returned from a field trip at 9:00 PM, so they let the girls come in late the next day. An hour or so before L had to leave, her friend M called her. M was locked in her house! (Most locks in Israel need to be opened with a key even from the inside). She had lent her brother her key, and her parents were at work. Her brother was already at school. L tried to talk M through finding solutions -- getting help from her parents, grandmother, aunt, etc. L kept calling back to report no success. Her parents just told her to stay home and not worry about it, and her relatives, who did not have keys to the apartment, pooh-poohed her concerns and told her to enjoy her vacation day. M was scared, and L pointed out that if there was a fire or a gas leak -- even in a neighbor's apartment -- she would have no way to get out. We suggested that the parents send a key to her by cab, if they didn't want to interrupt their work day to go themselves. (We keep keys with neighbors, plus we always have a key in the door so we can get out immediately in case of emergency.) M's parents refused to help her, and stopped answering their cellphones. [MiI: This part bothers me the most.]

L suggested to M that she try calling her father at the medical center where he works. I helped her find the number and called to find the right department. L didn't want to go off to school and leave her friend stranded, so she decided to take a bus to M's father, pick up the key, and return to let N out. I allowed her as she wouldn't miss too much in school, since most of the classes happened not be academic. It was hard for L to find M's father, but she managed it and released M. By that time it wasn't worth going to school.

Here is what amazes me:
1. The parents don't keep a key in the door in case of emergency.
2. The parents refuse to help their daughter when she is locked in her house!
3. The mother called M just before L left our house, and said she would call the father and let him know L was on her way. He was apparently in a meeting and only his wife could interrupt him, not his kids. In the end, he was surprised to see L and hadn't realized she was coming. But why wasn't the mother embarrassed that her daughter's friend was missing school to take care of her daughter because her own parents wouldn't?!

I have not yet heard from the parents, and haven't asked L if she did. I suggested to L that she tell M to make two copies of her housekey, with her own money if necessary.

Kol hakavod (kudos) to L's mother for taking care of her daughter's abandoned friend, and teaching them both an important lesson.

Tzniut fashions hit Tel Aviv?

I figure the dress in this picture would fit in well in Bnei Brak:

But the advertisement appeared on the front page of Haaretz's Gallery section.

Without sticking out your behind,
Without pulling in your stomach,
Without dressing short,
Without dressing tight,
Without a pushup, without stiletto [heels], without giggling, without winking, without veiled looks, without appearing hungry, without hiding intelligence.

SEXY (Seksit)
Without operating instructions.

The copy is over the top, but it seems that religious women aren't the only ones having a hard time finding clothes. Anyway that outfit sure beats these.

Breakfast with Robin

I generously offered to serve as "blog fodder" for Robin's NaBloPoMo. See the results here.

Happy clouds, or She has her priorities straight

Location: The park on the way home from school.

Me (singing): . . . I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee . . .
Four-year-old (laughing): You have clouds in your coffee?
Me: Not me, the woman in the song. It means she's sad.
The two children draw blank looks.
Me: Do you like it when it's sunny outside? Does it make you happy?
7-year-old: It depends how sunny. Not when it's really sunny.
Me: Well, in the United States, where the singer lives, they don't have as many sunny days as we do, and it's not as hot. So they are happy when it's sunny, but clouds make them sad. Here we have lots of hot sunny days, so we are happy when it gets cloudy and rains.
7yo: Especially this year, when we need rain so much.
4yo: Clouds make me happy.

Paamonim:The long, shorter way to get out of debt

Paamonim is an organization, operating mainly in the national religious community, that helps middle class families manage their budgets and pay off debts. In Friday's alon Matzav Haruach, Rachel Klein wrote about Paamonim and spoke with its director, Uriel Lederberg.

"Dina," a single mother of three, covered her overdraft by taking out new loans. She contacted Paamonim when her debt reached NIS 45,000. Moti, a financial counselor trained by the organization, came to the house and helped her plan the family's budget.

Dina reports, "In the first stage, we fired the ozeret (housecleaner, at NIS 800/month). The children cooperated and took on the various chores. We also restricted chugim (afterschool activities) to one per child. We stopped ordering prepared foods and pizza. We gave up on entertainment and restaurants. There were no more weekeends in hotels. Instead of the pool, we went to the beach. We discovered parks. . . I learned that NIS 70 face cream works as well as cream costing NIS 300. . . ."

(Our dermatologist friend recommends buying the cheapest face cream because glycerin, the most effective ingredient, costs the least.)

Dina began to have her clothes and shoes repaired instead of buying new ones, took a second job in the evening, blow-dried her own wig (saving NIS 70), and her daughter began babysitting to pay for her clothes. After two years she has paid off most of her loan and the bank account is balanced. She says, "Yes, I have a masters degree, and I work in a senior position. But I earned my true doctorate for life with Paamonim."

Director Lederberg explains how Paamonim is different from most other charity organizations. The others look for an immediate solution for a needy family, providing a basket of food, a financial grant, or a school backpack. In another week or two, or a month, the family needs more help. One child needs dental work, the bank is calling about the overdraft, and the school trip is coming up.

Judging by recent phone requests, those kinds of organizations are popping up like snails after the rain. I just heard from one that provides hot lunches to schoolchildren. Charity organizations will always be necessary to help the truly needy, while Paamonim focuses on families that should be able to stand on its feet but aren't. But everyone can benefit from Paamonim's techniques.

Lederberg got the idea after helping to raise funds for a family whose utilities were being cut off, only to find the family in the same situation a few months later. When he spoke to the bank manager about lowering the interest rate on the family's account and allowing an easier payment schedule, the manager asked Lederberg if he could refer other families to him.

Lederberg and his friends developed two parallel paths to financial solvency. First, they check all possible sources of income like national insurance, disability grants, and discounts. They negotiate with the banks for better terms, but never ask for debts to be cancelled. In the second, more intensive level of assistance, Paamonim examines the family's budget, helping them track their income and expenses and become wise and frugal consumers. Paamonim has experts who advise the counselors on getting low rates for various goods and services.

Lederberg, like most of the thousand-strong staff, is a volunteer himself.

When a financial counselor is available to help, he or she asks the family to prepare its financial documents. At this point many families get cold feet, so Paamonim waits until the family reinitiates contact. The process is painful and requires full cooperation. The volunteer doesn't instruct the family on which items to cut, but helps it prepare a balanced budget leaving NIS500-1000 per month to repay debts.

On Paamonim's website, you can download budget spreadsheets, read articles about saving money, and learn how to train as a volunteer. (A friend who inquired said you need to attend a five-session course.) Unfortunately the English part of the site is not as rich (so to speak).

Just don't go to the wrong site--paamonim.co.il advertises a fancy vacation getaway.

Judge's Garb an Issue in Child Abuse Trial

Ynet has news on the trial of the mother of twelve from Beit Shemesh who has been accused of child abuse.

The mentally handicapped son is scheduled to testify. In an unusual move, the judge and lawyers will wear civilian clothing, because the traditional black cloaks normally required by law might remind the son of his mother and scare him.

The article refers to other dramas in the six-month long trial. A month and a half ago, the lawyer of the accused claimed the prison system was condemning her client to death by not providing her with vegan meals. [The early articles written about her discuss her interest in nutrition, and I know a woman who attended a class she gave on the subject.]

According to the article, another child testified using a video hookup, because he feared [chashash] the presence of his parents in the courtroom.

The trial is being held behind closed doors.

Petach Tikva: Election Issues

In light of my previous post, Lion of Zion asked about the issues in the upcoming municipal elections.

We will cast two ballots this Tuesday, one for the local council (27 seats) and another for mayor. This year 159,000 residents have voting rights, beginning at age 17. The incumbent mayor, Itzik Ohayon, has overseen tremendous development in the city, but the other four candidates claim his candidacy has been a bastion of corruption and cronyism. When a mayor is involved in so many decisions about building, transportation, and development, there are going to be a lot of complaints, and worse.

According to Wikipedia, Petach Tikva's population grows at an annual rate of 2.4%.

One supporter advising a storekeeper to vote for O'Hayon told me to vote for him too. "But of course you will," he added, when he noticed my religious dress. It's true that the National Religious Party (NRP or Mafdal in Hebrew) and Aguduah (Ashkenazi haredim) are supporting O'Hayon, who has close ties with the religious community.

Campaign "Ushpizin" sign for the Sukkah

When the NRP's long-time leader resigned in a surprise move, "outsider" Moti Zaft was appointed to take over. This breathed new life into the campaign, leading most of the community's rabbis, along with school principals from both the public and private religious schools, to support the party. However, a letter in our mailbox signed by "private school parents" objected to Zaft's appointment.

The NRP's main competition comes from a private individual who ran five years ago and got one seat. The NRP protested when representatives of this party known "Anachnu Maaminim bePetach Tikva" (We Believe in Petach Tikva) kept their positions in the governing body of the local NRP, despite campaigning against the party. Zaft said in an interview in the local religious paper that because of this he refused to sign a vote-exchange agreement (in which loose votes from both parties can be combined to give one of the parties an extra seat). But my son said that other parties also chose not to sign such agreements, because experts consider it poor strategy.

Every Friday and erev chag since Sukkot, cars blasted up and down the streets playing the theme song to the tune of "Anachnu maaminim bnei maaminim." My seven-year-old received the above poster outside his school, and the NRP distributed Simchat Torah flags in synagogues. At a public religious school function the head of the parents' committee reminded everyone to cast a ballot for the NRP.

A couple we know had agreed to support the leader of Anachnu Maaminim until learning that Moti Zaft, a close friend, would be running with the NRP. They found themselves in an uncomfortable position and unable to campaign for either party.

In national elections, the National Religious Party gets more votes from Petach Tikva than from any other city except for Jerusalem. The city has large secular and haredi populations as well.

As in the national political scene, the NRP has lost some power in Petach tikva. Despite the chain of daycare centers run by its women's branch Emunah, young couples did not flock to the ballot boxes in the last election. At least they didn't vote for the NRP, which received only three seats instead of the customary five. But a strong NRP is the only way to guarantee continuing support for religious Zionist education in the city.

Below are random snippets from the campaign.

• Shas is expected to do well.
• One of the liberal candidates said he would work to change the "status quo" regarding Shabbat observance. A representative of one of the religious parties responded that this was just a way to stir up trouble, as there is not enough secular power to make changes.
  
• Meretz party put up posters including a quote from a haredi newspaper, bragging that "Petach Tikva will become Bnei Brak."
• One of the five mayoral candidates is the head of the local branch of Zehavi, an organization that works to get benefits for large families. Coincidentally, his last name is Zehavi. He was active in the new law guaranteeing free library cards for all.
• One issue mentioned by several campaigns is lack of space for synagogues.
• The city lacks a religious boys' high school, as opposted to more expensive and exclusive Talmud-oriented yeshiva high schools. Many boys travel out of the city. Unfortunately a "plain" religious boys' school can quickly become a receptacle for anyone having problems in the yeshiva high schools.
• Environmental issues are getting a lot of press.
  
• Smaller parties include a women's rights party, an anti-haredi green party, a party to represent weaker neighborhoods, and one whose motto is simply to provide a "maaneh," or response, for all residents, on every subject and with every problem.

Well, you asked.

Municipal Elections: Update

You don't need to register in order to vote in Israel--you just need to bring your teudat zehut (identity card) to the voting location. Usually, we get a notice listing the location and precinct number. So far we haven't, so I called the number of the Interior Ministry listed in the AACI newsletter.

Call 1-800-300059, press #5 for English and have your teudat zehut number available.

You have to type in your number, and they give you the information. It even offered to find out whether the location was handicapped accessible. I also confirmed that my 18-year-old son was listed. He told me who he is voting for, but I can't tell you since he asked me not to write about him.

Update: 17-year-olds are also eligible to vote.

Reading the "Little House" books

I've been reading the Little House series of books to my seven-year-old son Y. He loves them, even the rather slow descriptions of the prairie landscape in The House on Plum Creek.

I remember a discussion on a Jewish blog about whether the description of killing and cooking a pig in the first book, Little House in the Big Woods, was appropriate for Jewish children. I felt comfortable explaining to Y. that Laura's family is not Jewish so they eat pork. Learning about how they prepared it is educational, if a bit disgusting (which is fine). The only part I've skipped so far (besides the entire second book, Little House on the Prairie, because I don't have a copy) is the discussion about Santa Claus and how he represents the generosity in all of us, etc. When the Ingalls family goes to church for the first time I got a little nervous, but Reverend Alden just "talks to God" with no mention of Jesus.

I handled the lengthy discussions about Christmas by saying that the Jews have fun holidays throughout the year, but the Christians wait all year long for their one big celebration. Even back then Christmas seemed to be mainly about the gifts.

Even if we skip the parts that are blatantly Christian, by exposing our children to secular literature we are also exposing them to a secular/Christian lifestyle/outlook or what have you. So unless you plan to allow only "frum" books in your house that is an ongoing concern. Then you have to worry about not having exposed your children to good writing.

The Little House books are good mussar about making do with a little bit. The girls share a reader by holding up pages in the middle; Laura starts from the beginning while Mary looks at the more advanced material. My son was intrigued when Laura and Mary get money from their parents for a new slate, but realize they don't have enough for a pencil until they remember their Christmas pennies from a couple of years back. They decide to spend Mary's penny on the pencil, and Mary will own half of Laura's penny. My son and I discussed why they didn't just buy two pencils. Pencils aren't really a luxury. But slates were, and they only had one of those. So another pencil would have been superfluous.

We're about to get to my favorite scene in the entire series, from the chapter "Grasshoppers Walking" in On the Banks of Plum Creek. Here's an excerpt:

...Across the dooryard the grasshoppers were walking shoulder to shoulder and end to end, so crowded that the ground seemed to be moving ...

...Grasshoppers were walking over Carrie. They came pouring in the east window, side-by-side, end-to-end, across the window sill and down the wall and over the floor.

...That whole daylong the grasshoppers walked west. All the next day they went on walking west. And on the third day they walked without stopping.

...They walked steadily over the house. They walked over the stable. They walked over Spot until Pa shut her in the stable. They walked into Plum Creek and drowned, and those behind kept on walking in and drowning until the dead grasshoppers choked the creek and filled the water and live grasshoppers walked across them.

...The fourth day came and the grasshoppers went on walking. The sun shone hotter than ever, with a terribly bright light. It was nearly noon when Pa came from the stable shouting: “Caroline! Caroline! Look out doors! The grasshoppers are flying.”

I found the excerpt in an article by researcher Charles R. Bomar about the extinction of these locusts: This represented the last stand of the Rocky Mountain Locust on the Great Plains, and no major swarms were recorded again in the Great Plains. The last specimens collected were recorded from southern Canada in 1902.

Reading through the series by Laura Ingalls Wilder, we can see how the self-sufficient lifestyle represented in Little House in the Big Woods also becomes extinct, as Laura's family becomes more prosperous yet more dependent on credit, hard currency, and store-bought goods.

Commenting on Comments: Building a Blog Community

One of my favorite things about blogging has been connecting with my readers. I especially enjoy the comments section here--it is often more interesting than the original post.

When I first began blogging, I scanned the blog frequently for comments until I realized that I could set Blogger to send me an email. At one point Jameel and I had an exchange of eight comments on a post about blogging, setting the record for many months. (Those early comments disappeared when I switched to Haloscan.)

I'm not 100% sure how the community here grew the way it did, but I'll share some of my ideas:

1. I started by commenting on other blogs that address similar topics. If a blogger begins posting here, I usually add that blog to my reader. (A reader is a web page that lets you know when the blogs you like have been updated. I use Netvibes, but Bloglines and Google Reader are more popular.) Lately I comment less (I hope temporarily), but I still read.
2. Despite my semi-anonymous status (soon to be retired), I am fairly open. People are more likely to comment when they feel that they know the blogger.
3. I try to write on issues that my readers have responded to in the past. Of course, if you don't comment, I have no idea what topics you like.
4. I enjoy learning how others handle challenges I have encountered.
5. Even when writing about daily life I try to present an unusual perspective. I also like to throw out some kind of provocative question.
6. When I get overwhelmed by a lot of intense comments I might decide put my energy into a new post instead. Or bury my head in the sand for a day or two. Some bloggers never respond to comments--that's hard for me to understand.
   
7. I welcome new visitors, and try to be respectful of those who disagree. I actually like dissenting comments, because they generate the most interesting conversation.

As for you lurkers, don't feel you have to leave a comment if you have nothing to say. Visiting and reading is a form of appreciation too. [But comments are better.]

Meet Tal and Talia

On Orthonomics a guest post about Orthodox homeschooling generated the following comment by "l":
See the rest of this post at my new location, A Mother in Israel.Com

Links: Feminist Siddur, Carnivals

Lion of Zion posts about an Italian siddur with a special blessing said by women, "thanking God for making me female and not male."

A beautiful JPix Carnival by artistic Leora. I'm hosting the next one--please send posts with pictures to jpixcarnival@gmail.com. Blog Carnival has been down for a while.

Update:

The deadline for Jpix submissions is Friday, December 5th and the issue is scheduled to be posted on Monday, December 8th.

Haveil Havalim, The Election Edition, is up at Esser Agoroth.

Batya posted the newest KCC, and Juggling Frogs hosts an overdue Carnival of Overdue Thanks.