"Takana" finds against Sylvie Dahari, founder of Megeirot

Makor Rishon reported Friday that Takana, a forum for for handling sexual harassment by authorities in the Orthodox community, publicized its conclusions about the behavior of Sylvie Dahari, known as the founder of the Megeirot method.

The forum's committee of six, including Rabbi Elyakim Levanon, Rabbi Avi Gisser, Rabbi Yuval Cherlow, Dr. Shlomit Lehman, Mrs. Tami Samet and Mrs. Malka Piotorkovski, met five times and listened to long hours of detailed testimony from men and women. The committee determined that Dahari controlled her students and took advantage of their weaknesses, fears, and admiration, by "creating absolute dependence among her students accompanied by verbal and emotional insults, fomenting discord between students, and ostracizing them. Sylvie sometimes said that her words came to her as a revelation from Heaven and a true godly epiphany."

The forum also determined that she interfered in the intimate family lives of students of the method, leading to possible psychological and physical damage to children and to the family structure. It also criticized her for "taking advantage of her authority over a student in order to build an inappropriate relationship with the student's husband; developing relationships having sexual overtones with several of her students through taking advantage of the dependent and authoritative relationship; and taking money and belongings for personal use."

Dahari was contacted several times to appear before the forum, but refused.

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"Takanah" to investigate Megeirot

This morning Makor Rishon has a follow-up to the expose of Megeirot. Here's the link to the original in Hebrew.. Click here to read all posts on the subject.

[MR's Introductory Paragraph] The investigation of Makor Rishon on the "Megeirot Method" of Sylvia Dehari drew many responses and brought about exposure of additional difficult stories. Rabbis and public figures will decide in the coming days whether Dehari emotionally and sexually exploited her "chasidot."

Yifat Erlich: The Drawers are Continuing to Open הדלתות הולכות ונפתחות

A month and a half ago, this supplement revealed a web of degradation and exploitation that befell several students of Sylvia Dehari, founder of the Megeirot system. Dehari, a widow from Gush Katif, invented a method which, through the help of inspection of drawers and household items, women attained self-empowerment and a renewed understanding of their lives. But according to testimonies that arrived at Makor Rishon, in many cases Dehari succeeded in attaining absolute control of the lives of her students. [MiI: Erlich then reviews the contents of the original article.]

Erlich continues:

This week women who left "Megeirot" met with a special component of members of the forum "Takanah," which is discussing Dehari and her methods. The forum, headed by Yehudit Shilat, was formed to handle cases of sexual harassment and abuse by influential people in the national religious community, and members include professionals in the field of law, society, and psychology, along with talmidei chachamim [religious scholars] on the highest level. "In the light of the article we received many inquiries from rabbis and women," says Shilat. "After internal discussion we decided to look into the interpersonal relationships within the Megeirot hierarchy. We called for a preliminary discussion with the participation of members of the forum's administration, in order for women who left the group and their husbands to tell their stories. The purpose of the discussion was to choose which combination [of forum members] would be appropriate for clarifying the matter."

"According to the women quoted in the article, it appears to be sexual exploitation. If a man would have done what was described, we would have labeled it sexual harassment long ago. Because the women did not find a suitable framework for dealing with the issue, with authorities accepted by the public, they decided to turn to us. In the meantime we have only heard the voices of those who have left. It's important for us to hear the other side in order to hold a fair discussion and come to an investigation of the truth."

Regular participants in the forum include rabbis such as Eitan Eisman, Elyakim Levanon, Avi Gisser, Yuval Cherlow, Baruch Gigi and Yaakov Ariel. In addition Rav Lior from Kirya Arba informed [Takanah] that after the forum passes on its findings and conclusions, he will also add his ruling.

Suicidal Thoughts

A few months have passed since my first conversation with B, who was very close to Sylvie and acted as a kind of spokesperson for Megeirot. Then, she chose to speak in general terms, as she was ensconced in her personal story. In light of the publication of the article B. was interviewed on the radio program "Hakol Diburhim," and today she is ready to discuss what happened to her. "I began to understand that I am not guilty," she explains. "I understood that mechanisms were operated on us which we could not fight. Megeirot taught us to distance us from ourselves. We were taught that if someone pinches us, it wasn't right to shout 'Ayy,' but that we need to look at it differently, to recognize that the pinching is in order to advance us."

The article continues, but that is all I have time for now. Shabbat shalom.

Friday links on women in Orthodoxy

First we have Josh Waxman of Parshablog with My Thoughts on Megirot I and II.

Then there's the story of dancers forced to cover up for the Jerusalem bridge dedication ceremony. The girls, aged 6 to 13, were told to wear hats and long skirts; see this report for before and after pictures. Some parents respond here. According to this update in the JP, the organizers chose the black ski caps to make a point.

Finally, the army has been giving some teenage girls trouble about an automatic religious exemption. I wonder if any haredi girls have been hassled.

More on the Megeirot Controversy

I believe that there is a reason some blogs attract hostile comments and others don't. I'm lucky enough to have mostly escaped negative attention, but my postings on Megeirot were an exception. A certain amount of hostility was defensiveness about Megeirot, but my post may have been too credulous of the allegations. In addition, some commenters made possibly unwarranted assumptions about Megeirot and its followers.

A recent reader, Yehuda, was extremely upset by newspaper articles about Megeirot and the subsequent blog discussion. Josh Waxman published Yehuda's story on his Parsha Blog, where he writes: I {=Josh} do not entirely agree with all the following, but I thought I would do "Yehuda" a favor and give his comment prominence. Bli neder, and if I get the time, I may dissect this next week to explain what parts I agree and disagree with, and why.

Here is an excerpt from Yehuda's comments:

My Chardei wife has been involved in megeriot for 4 years. It has absolutely changed her life and mine. She couldn't take care of our household of 8. I was washing dishes. I was doing alot of the cooking and I almost couldn't take anymore the non stop arguments between me and my wife. It was gehinnom. when I saw my wife changing, little by little, each month it was amazing. She became a Yiddeshe mother. No more anger. Her strength came back, and she does EVERYTHING in the house. She is a real kiddush hashem and speaks very nicely to the children, and me her husband. ....what a cult!!!

You can find the rest on Josh's blog (and check out the rest of the blog too!).

Housekeeping and religion: More on Megeirot

Homemaking is a challenge for many Jewish women. Some people are just disorganized. Some did not have competent mothers, or mothers who ran an observant Jewish home, or mothers at all. Add a few small children and maybe a job, and you have a tremendous challenge.

Flylady has helped many make progress with their housework. But Flylady is American, English-speaking, and most definitely Christian. Megeirot filled the need for a supposedly Jewish approach to housekeeping. The problem is that the Torah doesn't tell us much about cleaning drawers. So the bulk of Megeirot's content had to come from non-Jewish sources.

As a reader who completed the first "level" of Megeirot wrote in an email: "I liked the overlay of Jewish, spiritual goals achieved through standard cognitive - behavioral type exercises." In other words, Megeirot consisted of Jewish concepts tacked on to a particular psychological approach. I have no problem with applying psychology in order to achieve a goal. But it's not inherently Jewish.

Faith/Emuna wrote about attending Megeirot, where she was advised to ask for help from above when straightening out clutter. The idea of a personal prayer doesn't disturb me, but saying someone else's prayer might. Same with prayers said over a closet. I don't know that religion should be mixed directly into everything.

According to the original article in Makor Rishon (Hebrew), Sylvie trained the instructors to negate the feelings a student expressed about the contents of her drawer. No matter what the student said, the instructor was told to tell her: "Sheker (falsehood), that is a statement of the ordinary sechel (intellect) which is your non-sechel. You don't have any sechel." Then the student recited a prayer, intended to redirect the woman's thoughts. Replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is a good idea, but telling a woman she has no sechel is not. At any rate, some instructors revised the methods, and even distanced themselves from Sylvie, the founder.

According to Makor Rishon, Rabbi Dov Lior of Kiryat Arba opposed Megeirot from the beginning and warned that it was not based on Jewish teachings. Later he and his wife worked with several women who had been harmed by Megeirot and Sylvie. Other rabbis felt the method had merit, despite the alleged faults of its founder.

We do need prayer, a connection with God, and a sense of higher purpose even when involved in mundane tasks. But we can also achieve spirituality through learning, serving the community, joyful observance of mitzvot, and caring for our families.

Megeirot appears to have helped many women. It probably served as a good support group, whether or not the content was problematic. Anytime people meet frequently with a competent counselor to discuss housekeeping, parenting, marriage, or dieting, they will improve in that area just because they are focusing on it. But when a method involves prayers, and marital and childrearing advice, one must be extremely careful about the person leading the group. Appearing religious and knowledgeable does not qualify someone to give sensitive advice. Even more importantly, a good counselor knows when to refer to a professional. Sylvie may not have taught every group but she was presumably the one instructors turned to for guidance in specific situations. And if the allegations about her are true, that's scary.

Previous article on Megeirot

Another cult exposed -- Megefirot

Update: More on Megeirot
Takana forum finds against Megeirot.

"Megirot" (lit. drawers) is one of many recent attempts to help religious women attain a higher spiritual level in their lives. The Hebrew newspaper Makor Rishon has an exposé in today's paper about the method and its founder. Women who have been active for many years and have taught using Megirot's methods are calling it a cult. The method has many followers in the religious Zionist community in Israel.

According to the article by Yifat Erlich, Megirot was founded by Sylvia Dahari. A widowed mother of six originally from Gush Katif (the Jewish settlement of Gaza), she wished to share the "secrets" that helped her cope during the period after her husband was murdered in a terrorist attack. She attracted women with her dynamic personality and her ability to transform mundane daily tasks, especially housekeeping, into a quest for reaching a high level of holiness. The women brought the contents of their drawers to the lessons, where Sylvie (or the teachers trained by her) analyzed the objects and drew conclusions about the woman's inner life.

At a lesson attended by the reporter in preparation for the article, Sylvie told of a woman who came to her saying that she wanted a divorce after two years of marriage. They "did a drawer," which contained tapes of children's songs. Sylvie asked why the woman was saving the tapes, and the woman said they were for her children. Sylvie pointed out that tapes would be worthless by the time the children grew up, and the woman was really saving them for herself because she still felt like a child. The woman agreed with Sylvie, and said that she wanted a divorce because she was afraid of growing up and becoming a mother.

The women interviewed in the article, who had been trained by Sylvie to teach the method, continue to be grateful for many things that they learned. However, they were seriously disturbed by Sylvie's focus on sexual matters, including the close emotional relationships she developed with several husbands of her students. She interfered with the students' private lives and mocked students after class. She deliberately came hours late to class, despite knowing that students travelled long distances.

Here are examples from the article:

• Sylvie told of her son, whose daughter jumped on him and interrupted his learning. "Do everything so that she will listen to you in the end," instructed Sylvie to her son. "I am breaking your hands," he told the girl, and when she jumped on him again, he turned her hand until a "tick" was heard. "That's it, finished," explained Sylvie to the students. "It won't happen again. Fear of punishment is necessary." [Why do these cults always involve child abuse?]
• Two years ago Sylvie began courting L., a married father of seven, who ran a ranch for teens at risk. The two would closet themselves in a room for hours and be seen around the country all hours of the day and night. "Every man has a physical wife and a spiritual wife. I am L.'s spiritual wife," she explained to the students. [Why do these cults always involve sexual impropriety?]
• She told L.'s ["physical"] wife, Y., "It's from Hashem, for your own good. I am building his personality and saving him from spiritual death, and you are interfering in the process." Y. was apparently convinced, and sadly told one of the women: "You think this isn't hard for me? Sylvie is working with me on this."
  
• Sylvie gave a class for single women, and concluded that the reason they remained unmarried was their inability to speak openly with men. She recruited L. [see above] and a 17-year-old boy from his ranch, so the women could practice intimate phone conversations with them. When the women suggested that Sylvie herself marry, she replied, "Marry? For what? Why do I need a husband on my head? What is bad about my life? To serve him? So he will limit me? I don't have enough to do?"
• Sylvie tells women to carefully guard her husband's honor: to stand up when he gets home, cook what he likes, and get into bed five minutes earlier than he. But if the men disagree with Sylvie about something, it's a different matter entirely.
• [We have sex, we have child abuse, so what's left? Money, of course.] Tens of thousands of shekalim went into Sylvie's pocket in the guise of sacred money, with a promise that the donors will merit blessings and be protected from harm. During the course of opening drawers, objects deemed unnecessary or impediments to growth remained with Sylvie. These included electrical appliances, a diamond ring, clothes and more. Women paid to attend lessons, but no receipts were ever given by Sylvie. (Some other teachers do give receipts.)
  

When haredi women began flocking to meetings in Bnei Brak, the Badatz of the Edah Haredit (one haredi community's religious court) banned it. But it took longer for the religious Zionist rabbis to get the picture. Rabi Eliahu of Safed at one time recommended the Megirot method to women, but no longer. He believes a religious court should be convened to discuss the matter.

And some people seem to think that our community is too cynical. But it's clear to me that we're not suspicious enough. Yemima is another religious woman giving classes to promote spiritual growth; I see advertisements for her everywhere. I'd be interested to know more about her too.

The article has more, but it's Friday afternoon and I've covered the main points.

Any readers who have participated in Megirot are invited to email me at mominisrael@gmail.com .

Shabbat shalom.