Meet Tal and Talia

On Orthonomics a guest post about Orthodox homeschooling generated the following comment by "l":
See the rest of this post at my new location, A Mother in Israel.Com

Adventures in International Travel -- Packing Light

Robin, this is for you. In my previous post I mentioned having brought one suitcase for our two-week trip to New York. It weighed 21 kg (about 45 lbs) and contained everything for the four of us, in addition to our hand luggage (also as light as possible).

I knew I would be staying at my sister's and brother's homes. They have washing machines, so pajamas, 3-4 days worth of lightweight clothes, and Shabbat outfits (two each), sufficed. I added bathing suits and swim floats, and a duffel bag for the return trip. I didn't shlep toothpaste or shampoo, umbrellas or jackets. My daughter and I each took one additional pair of shoes; the younger children took none. In an emergency, we could easily buy something. And I didn't even end up wearing everything. Two booster seats and a stroller were a royal pain but didn't count in the weight.

Another reason to pack light is to save room for the return. Besides books for the children and the book club, the seats and the stroller, I'm taking a guitar for my son and an air mattress--we hope to try camping again.

Things I might be posting about, if I felt like blogging

Our cooperative summer camp adventure continues. Based on past experience (read: lots of fighting), we split the boys and girls. We have five boys aged 5-8, with two 12- and 13-year-olds serving as counselors. I hosted them last Friday while my 12-year-old A ran the whole program. The girls' group consists of 4 preschoolers and 7 elementary-school-age girls. They exempted me from hosting the girls, since my 14-year-old (DiI) helps out several days a week. The other two days she has a regular babysitting job for two little boys who adore her. I have been getting positive feedback from the mothers about my kids. I needed it.

Some of the camp mothers live about a mile away, but my four-year-old walks back and forth with a minimum of complaint. When we met to make up a schedule, we asked not to give out junk food. Some mothers complained, "What will we give them if not Bamba?" We suggested melon. The children bring sandwiches; surely that's enough food for four hours. The junk-food rule hasn't been strictly enforced, but who can say what would have happened otherwise.

A disadvantage of segregating by sex is that activities tend to fall along gender lines. Yesterday the boys made models of an army camp and the girls baked cookies with red jelly. Today both groups went to the zoo and my junior counselors stayed up till all hours preparing games and crafts.

We are leaving on our annual trip to the US next week; camp may or may not be active when we return. My 4yo loved our visit last year, but now she doesn't want to miss camp. She said I should go without her and bring back special (flavored) yogurt, a treat we rarely buy. I'm taking her, DiI, and my 7-year-old.

Last night we went to a memorial service for a convert to Judaism who had made aliyah and died eight months later after collapsing in the street from a blood clot. The body sat for a month while her fate was decided; eventually her mother insisted on a Christian burial in the US. I had only spoken to her once on the phone, but we wanted to show support, and we met a family from Maale Adumim who had been exceptionally close to her. The family described how every Shabbat between her death and burial, mysterious things happened in their house: Crockery fell off shelves, and candles fell down, for no apparent reason.

I met with two bloggers in one day. I sat with RivkA for a Coffee and Chemo date, and while in Jerusalem I hopped over to Leora's hotel to say hello. We have several mutual friends and I am sure I have met her, but it was my first time seeing her adorable children. By then I was already anxious to get home, because the bus in the morning had taken me three hours. When we were renting our first apartment in Israel, I asked my husband how far we would be from the bus to Jerusalem and he said five minutes. He must have misheard me. It's a twenty-minute ride, and the inter-city bus took forever to arrive. It was too crowded so I waited a short time for the next one. Then we ran into traffic, and the bus to the hospital also took ages. Then I ran around the hospital looking for RivkA, because the oncology ward told me she was in the ER. I eventually found her back in oncology. Even though she was having a long, hard day she was in good spirits and we had fun catching up. She even came up with some shidduch suggestions.

Speaking of sponja: One evening I noticed a puddle, which turned out to be coming from under my neighbors' door. The neighbors are out of the country and their army-aged son was in Jerusalem, but a neighbor had a key so after turning off the water and closing off the source of the leak, we used several squeejees to sweep all of the water into the shower drain--in our apartment. It was a family effort. Their water purifier had cracked open, but the neighbor was still sure it must be the ozeret's fault. The son told me that the only damage was to their rug. If this had happened in the middle of the night, we might have been the ones with the serious damage.

We are going to a bar mitzvah for Shabbat, and staying in my single brother-in-law's apartment. When I heard his voicemail message asking to tell him some good news, I informed him of our upcoming visit. He took it in stride, or at least he had recovered by the time he called us back. Two of the kids chose not to go, but my oldest son feels close enough to the family to drag himself away from yeshiva for two weeks in a row.

My seven-year-old inserted our rechargeable camera battery backwards. It slid in easily, but wouldn't come out. The repairman removed it without taking the whole thing apart, after giving me a lecture about letting my kid play with it. I didn't tell him about the movie that could only have been filmed from a few inches outside of my sixth-story window; my seven-year-old was three or four at the time. Instead I told him that it wasn't nice to lecture customers. He didn't charge and even advised me on how to fix a different problem with the camera.

Layered Beit Shemesh mother of 12 arrested for severe child abuse

According to news reports, a mother of twelve from Beit Shemesh was arrested for severely abusing her children, who were having incestuous relationships with one another in the home. The woman was covered in several layers of clothing and initially refused to reveal her face to the judge.

Trilcat wrote to me suggesting that this might be Rabbanit Keren herself, but there is a discrepancy regarding the number of children; previous news articles reported that she had ten.

Batya and Trilcat both emailed me the Jerusalem Post report:

The defendant, who was covered in layers of clothing, did not speak in court.

Her attorney, who successfully attained a court order barring the publication of his client's name, explained that the woman "did not speak with men," and that he would speak on her behalf, according to a court protocol of the proceedings. [emphasis Batya's]

Commenter Abbi saw the TV news and reports that the woman had on multiple layers and a shawl. She also sent this Ynet report. My translation:

The investigation began a month and a half ago when a boy called the Beit Shemesh police to complain about trauma he was enduring; in the background were sounds of breaking dishes. The police investigators and the local social services came to the house of the family, which was already known to social services. The boy who had made the complaint was removed from the house.

Sometime afterward the boy’s brother told the police of abuse and incest among several members of the family. According to suspicions, the children had sexual relations with one another in the home; the mother was aware and did nothing.

The mother is suspected of hitting the children for two years with blunt objects, including a rolling pin and electric cables. Similarly she is suspected of preventing them from getting medical treatment. One of the children had to sleep outside if he came home late. The mother maintained that this is her educational philosophy.

The social services took all of the children out of the house and brought them to different places. The police are intending to investigate the father regarding his involvement.

Rafi put the news report up on Youtube. According to the television news, the defendant refused to show her face to the court at first. Eventually she agreed to show only her eyes. The lawyer of the accused claims that the defendant did not know of any incest, and that people in the community, who don't like the way the she dresses, made up the stories.

The news report mentions two other recent incidents of serious child abuse by mothers in Israel. One involves a religious American family from a prestigious Jerusalem neighborhood, and the third mother is from Or Yehuda, a development town.

Thanks to my cyber-friends for their help with this report.

Update

Fitting Housework into Life

When I had only two children, born eighteen months apart, I didn't spend a lot of time on housework. My oldest enjoyed scattering toys around the house, crumpling any paper he could find, and biting his baby brother when I got distracted for a moment.

My husband and I developed a system to manage the house: He would start a load of laundry before leaving for shul in the mornings, and hang it afterward. In the evenings, he cleaned up the scattered legos and washed the dishes. We ate mainly potatoes and cottage cheese for dinner. On Fridays, his day off, I frantically cooked and cleaned while he shopped.

At some point this stopped working. I had more children, more cooking and laundry, and more "stuff." And a lot less tolerance for mess. I no longer had the luxury of compartmentalizing the different areas of my life: childcare, housework, time for myself. I had to find a way to make everything work together.

When I decided I needed to learn more I came across Sidetracked Home Executives by Peggy Jones and Pam Young, sisters who complained that housekeeping books were written by and for people who already knew how to keep things straight. Jones and Young divide homemakers into two categories: BOs, "Born Organized," and "SHEs," from the book's title. They decide to clean up their mess and share their hilarious experiences with their readers. My favorite part is when the sisters beg their born-organized neighbor for just one tip, and she asks them whether they reuse teabags. The sisters say no, so the neighbor suggests they throw out the teabags instead of leaving them on the counter. This is a revelation for Pam and Peggy.

As usual with these self-help books, I started off gung-ho. I prepared the cumbersome filebox of color-coded cards, each containing a daily, weekly or monthly task. What ended it for me was an episode in the book when one of the sisters decided she could not face the scheduled floor washing. The other sister couldn't talk her into it, so they added a new rule: If you really, really, don't feel like doing a particular job, you can skip it. Twice. I soon found that my "weekly" chores (which, needless to say, were never weekly in the first place) started getting done once every three weeks.

Even though their original system had problems, it made me think about my approach to home management and I still use many of their ideas.

Toward the end of the book the sisters realize that they had taken pride in their (formerly) messy homes because they imagined their creative, artistic side would be thwarted. Many people struggle with issues relating housework (not to mention those of our family members).

We have been conditioned to put career first and family second; homemaking doesn't even make the list. But while you can pay someone else to clean your house, a housekeeper alone won't make your house into a home. Someone needs to be thinking about the big picture--what kind of family life and home do you want?

Next: I discover Flylady.

Related posts:
Do Kids Care if Your House Is Dirty?
The Truth about the Jewish Superwoman
Career and Motherhood--Intro
Career and Motherhood--Part I

In which all is revealed. . .

Well, not really. But check out Frugal Journey's interview with yours truly.

Interview: A Mother in Israel