Bamba not related to mysterious deaths of toddlers

Over the last few weeks, four toddlers have gotten ill and died suddenly of mysterious causes. Two children remain hospitalized; one is recovering and one is still in intensive care. The Health Ministry debated over whether to announce that they are investigating the deaths as they didn't want to induce panic. But if word got out about the investigation, the ministry would be accused of withholding information. They are awaiting final lab results but so far there no connection has been found among the children, who came from different parts of the country and had different symptoms. It seems to be a statistical anomaly, and at least one of the children had previous health problems.

Earlier this week an email rumor began circulating claiming that the deaths were related to contaminated Bamba, the heavily marketed children's snack food. One email forwarded to me this morning was about an uncle working in Superpharm who received a call asking him to take Bamba off the store's shelves.

Manufacturer Osem's stock dropped six percent in the stock market as a result of this rumor. My readers know that I am no fan of Bamba. But as a pediatrician friend pointed out, if even one batch of Bamba caused illness Israeli hospitals would be full to capacity with sick children. Negative health effects of Bamba, Bisli, Crembos and other snacks marketed to children are only incremental.

Jameel also wrote about this story.


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Meet Tal and Talia

On Orthonomics a guest post about Orthodox homeschooling generated the following comment by "l":
See the rest of this post at my new location, A Mother in Israel.Com

The state of the nation in shul on Yom Kippur

People expect to pray peacefully on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. But the shul is overfull and there are distractions. Especially children.

The acceptable level of noise and activity varies according to the community and physical facilities. But one person's kavanah (concentration during prayer) should not come at the expense of others'. Just because a mother can tune out her children during davening doesn't mean everyone can.

On Yom Kippur, I mentioned to a friend that her two-year-old had pushed down a child in the aisle. The other child went to his mother to be picked up, without crying, so my friend hadn't noticed. This happens. But if parents can't keep an eye on children who wander, the children may be better off at home.

Reports from other communities:

• A dispute over noisy children in Raanana Rambling's shul led to hurt feelings.
• I heard about mothers in Beit Shemesh (not Ramat Beit Shemesh) who fail to reprimand their children in shul because they are observing a "taanit dibbur" on Yom Kippur. During a taanit dibbur one may not speak except to pray.
• One community's email discussion on the subject of children in shul pitted old-timers against newcomers. The community hopes to attract young couples, but rigidity about this issue could deter them.

And grant me a moment to kvetch about other annoying things that people do in shul:

My son noticed a family who gave the 5-year-old son snacks to keep him in shul for the davening. After finishing the snack, the child was allowed to go out to play. I don't believe that kids should eat in shul, especially on Yom Kippur, but I'd be happy for that to be the worst thing to happen.

I don't understand why a child who just finished seudah hamafseket (the final meal before the fast) needs a bag of Bamba the minute she gets to Kol Nidrei. In this case the child went outside to eat. Was junk food invented as a way to keep kids quiet? (Don't answer that.)

And one last, cranky complaint: The shul was freezing, so people opened the windows. This wastes electricity and makes the shul even colder, because the air-conditioner must work harder to maintain the pre-set temperature of the thermostat.

So how were things in your shul this year?

Revisiting the Misgeret, or Is Preschool Necessary

It's bound to happen at one time or another when you are out with your toddler. Your neighbor asks you the question you were wondering yourself earlier that day, as you tried to talk on the phone while your son climbed the bookcase: "Isn't he bored at home with you all day? How old is he again? [Insert any answer here.] Shouldn't he be in a misgeret?"

In honor of my 4-year-old starting gan in a few weeks (we did have an informal two-child playgroup, technically a misgeret I suppose), I share my answers to the suppositions of nosy and rude advice-givers. They don't deserve a reply. But at times we must address concerns of family members, or, more likely, we ourselves need the reassurance.

• "The child needs to get used to being in gan for half the day." Or, "She will be behind academically." When I mentioned to one mother that our three-year-olds would be in gan together the following year, she asked how I could send her when she hadn't been in gan at age two. According to this theory, children need a year in a misgeret to prepare for the next misgeret.
  
• [This one is for late talkers.] "Gan will help him learn to talk." This is just wrong. Children in gan generally spend little time talking one-on-one to an adult. And the less the child communicates through speech, the less verbal attention he is likely to get from teachers. Children develop speaking skills at vastly different ages and unless you have reason to suspect a problem, it's safe to let them develop at their own pace. Gan will not make a huge difference either way.
  
• [For olim] "The child needs to learn Hebrew." Gan-aged, immigrant children still have plenty of time to become fully bilingual. But language is a balance. If your child spends most of her day in a Hebrew-speaking environment, her English vocabulary will be smaller. And vice versa. You can teach him Hebrew yourself, or make playdates with Hebrew-speaking children, to ease the transition. But immigrants to all countries have survived the experience; emotional maturity is more important than language. [My daughter is concerned about this despite more than adequate Hebrew skills.]
  
• "He needs to play with children his own age." I question this assumption "milechat'hilah." The younger the child, the less equipped to compete with others for the attention of adults. Since making aliyah the age of starting group care has lowered, while time spent in care increased. Children learn social skills mainly from their parents, and they can play with other children while parents are present. If all neighborhood children are in gan, they can meet in the afternoon or on weekends. They don't need thirty hours a week away from parents to learn cooperative play. Unfortunately, preschool for fewer hours is unheard of in Israel. (Let me qualify that--I heard of a gan run by the city of Tel Aviv where you can leave a child on a drop-off basis.)
  
• "Immigrant children need to develop a tough, Israeli exterior." (I mentioned this here.) Okay, but at what cost? I read of a doctoral student who spent months observing three-year-olds in an Israeli gan. She reported of a complex social structure that included children bringing treats to appease bullies. The children's teachers remained unaware. When put into such an environment children may learn healthy ways of defending themselves. Others become aggressive, or conversely, withdrawn.
  
• "Aren't you bored?" Mothers are supposed to be doing adult activities, not playing games all day with their children. (See my next point.)
  
• "Do you sit with her?" I get this all the time; they are asking whether I use worksheets or teach letters and numbers. (I visited a highly-recommended gan where three-year-olds did worksheets each day.) The short answer is no; I enjoy a loose daily structure. We read, play, color, go to the park, run errands, do chores, and meet other mothers and children. The children who are interested pick up letters, numbers and even reading. They play by themselves a good deal of the time while I do "adult" things. In turn, I expect frequent interruptions.
  
• "Your child is too shy/aggressive/wild/attached to you/disobedient/spoiled/slow/bossy. It's because you don't send him to gan." Every child develops different and has personality problems challenges, even the ones who attend gan. Who doesn't? But if you keep your child home, you will be blamed for those issues.
  

Over a million American children are being homeschooled for elementary and/or high school. Surely that puts keeping a two-, three-, or four-year-old at home for another year in perspective.

(I wish I didn't need to add this caveat: I am not trying to convince parents to keep their kids out of gan, or quit their jobs. I do wish to support parents struggling with this issue.)

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The "Cringe" Factor

In response to my post on the Modiin Mall story, Frumhouse described how she has handled nursing in public. Therapy Doc left the following comment:

The problem is the cringe factor, and ignoring that is ignoring anything that makes people cringe. If you know you're making someone cringe, whaddaya do? Make 'em suffer? Hit 'em over the head with your ideas? Or move away. You can say that
nobody's forcing anyone to watch, but face it, the baby's the draw. Maybe a sign over the breast that says, Look away if this (arrow down) makes you uncomfortable?

My response to TD got too long, so I decided to post it here.

It disturbs me to see nursing associated with "hitting someone over the head" or causing suffering. Breastfeeding is a fundamentally nurturing activity. The comment implies that nursing a baby in public is some kind of political statement. While unfortunately this attitude contains a grain of truth in today's culture, it's beside the point.

As a new mother I was concerned about how others viewed my nursing in public. Admittedly, I never completely got over it. But the day came, on line in the grocery store, when I realized that the needs of my baby must come ahead of someone else's possible discomfort. What about the need for an overwhelmed mother on an outing not to have to move herself, her fussy baby, her gear, and possibly a toddler?

Frankly, it *is* easier for the "cringer" to look or move away. A nursing mother isn't a pariah and shouldn't have to act like one.

For some women, having to put the discomfort of others above the needs of their own babies will be enough to cause them to reconsider nursing altogether. One mother told me, "My older child nursed every three hours, so I could complete errands in time to feed him. But my second has an irregular schedule, so we stopped nursing after a few weeks." Let us make no mistake. The fuss over nursing in public harms mothers and babies.

Trusting our children

One of the most valuable lessons I learned as a mother was about relinquishing control.

"Training" my children to do things before they were developmentally ready wasted time and emotional energy. How I regret those power struggles.

Eventually I realized that there were many things I didn't need to teach my children. I could trust them to meet certain milestones without incentives, threats, or persuasion. These milestones included:

• Sleeping through the night.
• Learning to use the bathroom i.e. toilet train
• Weaning from breastfeeding.
• Getting onto a "schedule" for meals and naps. Babies generally fall into a routine after a few weeks or months.
  
• Eating enough to grow and thrive, if offered a variety of nutritional food, a fork and a spoon.
• Separating from me without a fuss.
• Dressing themselves.
  

I believe that my job is to provide a secure emotional base and a reasonable level of encouragement. I had faith (at least in those areas) that my children's inborn mechanisms and a natural desire to mature would kick in eventually. Unfortunately, in our culture, this isn't simple. Dozens of instruction books help parents train children to do what they would eventually do anyway. It's so frustrating to find out that your child is abnormal; i.e. he is not doing what the books say he should be doing. Until you realize that the problem is the book, not the child.

Not all babies sleep through the night at six weeks, or six months. And it's normal for children to nurse for a few years; both the Talmud and the World Health Organization consider two years a minimum. Kids will sleep all night by the time they are bar or bat mitzvah. And (hopefully) when it's time for them to get married, no one will ask when they got out of diapers.

Yes, there are exceptions. Sometimes a child who develops later than average needs an evaluation. Sometimes we have to speed things along, like when we wean a child from diapers in preparation for preschool, or leave a baby with a sitter. But most children will do what they need to do if we take for granted that they can.

I've listed some behaviors that I don't believe parents need to worry much about. The question that interests me now, and which I hope to explore in a future post, is what *do* we need to actively teach our children?

A cure for insomnia?

This morning she explained, "That way is a faster way to close my eyes."

Two children go missing from gan; found safely three hours later

According to the local paper, two children aged 3.5 and 4 disappeared from gan (preschool) without anyone realizing. At around 11 AM, the ganenet noticed that they didn't return to the gan after playtime in the fenced area outside. After a thorough search of the premises failed to locate the children, the staff realized that they must have gotten out. The ganenet set off in search of them, going as far as the children's homes.

During this entire time the ganenet failed to alert any authorities about the disappearance. Finally, at 1:15, she called the police and the children's parents. The children were found at 2:20, about five blocks from the gan. They would have had to have crossed several busy streets.

Update:
I've been thinking about this since I posted, and all I can say is, "What was this ganenet thinking?" The fact that the kids escaped is scandalous enough, although that is not an uncommon occurrence in Israel. But once she realized they were lost, she chose her own reputation over the safety of the children. She hoped to find them herself, and no one would be the wiser. But even if she had found them, they were old enough to talk and presumably would not have been able to keep such an adventure a secret.

Just think how much easier it would have been to find them, had they only been gone ten minutes when she called the police.

Another bizarre part of the story is that no one found the children wandering around this busy area of town (they ended up near the bus station). Israelis tend to get involved when they see children in dangerous situations.

A Radical Ruling: Breastfeeding and Fasting on Yom Kippur

Our rabbi made an amazing statement this past Shabbat: Pregnant women and nursing mothers whose babies are solely dependent on their mothers' milk (including babies who take a small amount of solids, generally until 8 or 9 months) must not fast on Yom Kippur. Nursing mothers (and presumably pregnant women; I didn't hear that part of the speech), , should eat and drink in shiurim starting Yom Kippur morning, and not wait until they have symptoms or see signs of distress in the baby. He said that he based his opinion on a ruling by the Hazon Ish.

Click here to continue reading this post and get suggestions for fasting and breastfeeding.

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