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Showing posts with label aliyah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label aliyah. Show all posts

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hug your community moderator today

They have been around so long we take them for granted. They are where we go to find a ride, recommend a babysitter, and ask about electricians. I am talking about the English email lists that exist for every community with a reasonable number of English speakers. Janglo (short for Jerusalem Anglo) is the biggest with its own website, while the Jordan Valley's group has five members.

I started the local list and continue to moderate it. At times it can be a thankless job. One member thinks the list is unfriendly, while another thinks there is too much discussion. Some posters have to comment about everything. Then there are the small businesses and public relations professionals who have discovered that community email lists are a free way to reach consumers. One even used our list to try and sell a $2 million property on the Tel Aviv beach. Do you think I could ask for a commission?

I decided to learn how moderators of other lists handle these issues, so I started a "meta-community" list for moderators and began inviting. Just reading the various list's rules has been enlightening. About ten moderators have joined so far. We all share problems with annoying posters, pushy advertisers, and people who just can't seem to follow the rules.

I get a lot of satisfaction in running the list. I know people have found rentals, service providers and helped people considering moving here (the main reason I started). I'll share the last part of an exchange with a potential oleh, after I wrote him a long email about our community:

Hi Hannah:
We decided not to make Aliyah. Thanks for your assistance.
Please remove me from the list.

Hannah wrote:
Just push Unsubscribe on the next message from the list.
I hope it wasn't something I said!

Hannah,
No, you were one of the few from Israel who did not act like a sour innkeeper, put off because a guest entered the lobby of their establishment -- which has become pretty much my view of a number of Israeli's -- especially those in the service sector.
I thank you though for dispelling that idea.
There are some people who will be happier not making aliyah.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Cultural Differences

The responses to my post about the unfriendly woman in shul ranged from "She's shy" to "She's a snot." I think the answer lies elsewhere. First let me give an update.

One day in September while I waited for the gan to let out, she did come and sit next to me. She asked how I was, and I asked her what she was doing. After she told me I waited, and she then asked what I was doing. This was by far the longest conversation we have ever had. After Yom Kippur she approached me in shul and said that because our children had played together over the holidays and gotten to know each other, she was sure they would now be good friends in gan.

I believe that Americans and Israelis have different approaches to relationships. While some Israeli women are friendly and gregarious, the majority are more reserved. When I see someone on a regular basis, say in shul on Shabbat, I will begin to greet her when I pass her on the street. But some Israelis would need to have more in common with someone before acknowledging me. It sounds snobby, but I see it as a cultural difference.

I don't mean to say that Israelis can't be snobs. Snobs exist everywhere.

I mentioned this issue to my Israeli friend, O, who recently returned from a few years in Europe. She pointed out that as an English speaker living in a Hebrew-speaking country, I have an immediate connection with other English speakers even if we have little else in common. It might not be fair to compare the friendliness and closeness I feel among my English-speaking friends to the situation in my synagogue. O. has a point--any feelings of isolation among native Israelis might be exaggerated because of the contrast of my connectedness with fellow English-speakers. However, I am beginning to feel much more comfortable in our shul (although it's been over seven years!).

Those who live in places with large groups of English speakers, like Beit Shemesh or Raanana, might not have the same experience. Wait until you are in a Hebrew-speaking course and discover one other English-speaker--you are likely to be friends for life.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Survival for Olim

Baila posted about a new Survival type program for new olim. Unfortunately both of us are slightly past the age requirement. I'm no longer a new olah, but I'm not sure how well I would do in the competition.

I wonder what competitors will need to do to win the grand prize. I suggest having to make an appointment in Hebrew. I remember my first visit to Tipat Chalav (well-baby clinic). In modern Hebrew, days of the week, month, and the months themselves are all expressed as ordinal numbers. So Sunday, June 8, becomes first day, the eighth of the sixth. The secretary rattled off different options: "At rotzah tor beyom revii, hashlishi latshii, oh beyom sheni, ha-esrim vesheini laasiri?"Eventually I asked her to write it down, but this only helped slightly.

You can read here about my visit to the bank to get our government mortgage check.

So what are your suggestions?

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Lag Baomer

We celebrated Lag Baomer on Thursday night. In America, people treat fire with caution.But here, practically every holiday becomes a festival for pyromaniacs. They shoot caps on Purim and burn chametz on every corner erev Pesach. On Chanukah they let kids play with fire at gan parties. And Lag Baomer is the ultimate Israeli holiday for pyromaniacs.

My 6-year-old wanted to have a bonfire too. He called up all of his friends, until he found a boy who didn't have other plans. He had never shown interest in most of those boys before now. We really lucked out because the boy who invited us lives next door to an empty lot. When we arrived, we found that his father had already set up things up. The boy's parents are also olim (immigrants) from Dushanbe (points to anyone who knows what country that is in without looking it up) who arrived in Israel around the same time we did. He knows how to build a fire (see above) and was careful about safety. I was able to teach him one thing--when you roast potatoes in a bonfire it's a good idea to cook them in advance. Otherwise the middle stays raw. Fortunately, we brought the potatoes.

We are not crazy about bonfires, but Lag Baomer is a special day for us because it's my husband's birthday. Happy birthday!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Navigating an Israeli Supermarket

I once read a blog post by an American on an extended visit to Israel, raving about how much easier it is to keep kosher in Israel than in the US. True, a variety of kosher food is available just about everywhere in Israel. But keeping kosher in Israel is far from simple.

Lately we have been shopping at Aleph, one of the haredi chains. They tend to focus more on basic items and family-sized packages. The disadvantage is that meat and dairy products with a mehadrin/haredi supervision are much more expensive. But a few years ago Aleph added a selection of meat and dairy products under the supervision of the Israeli rabbinate.

Another issue with products under haredi supervision is that they often contain more fillers and sugars than those with the standard supervision, in order to make the price attractive to haredi families with less disposable income. Examples include "Danuba" mehadrin yogurt, which contains added starch, and Telma Shefa Cornflakes, which contain more sugar than Telma Cornflakes. It pays to read labels.

The brakes on our car began acting up during Pesach, and we are awaiting a replacement part by airmail. My husband takes the bus to work and I avoid carpool arrangements on principle, but shopping is a hassle. Last week I took the bus to one store only to discover, at the checkout, that they don't deliver. Fortunately I ran into a neighbor who gave me a ride home. The other day I put out an SOS to some friends and E. replied that she was planning to go shopping and would be happy to take me along.

Since E. once referred to me as someone who "writes a blog for new olim (immigrants)," I guess it's appropriate to use our trip to share some examples of unusual things a kosher consumer might find in an Israeli supermarket.

E. took me to a large chain store that I used to visit regularly. Because some items were much cheaper than at Aleph, I used to alternate between the stores every few weeks to stock up on cheaper items. But at one point I stopped because the price on those items came down in Aleph. I see now that that was a mistake; canned goods, for example, are significantly cheaper at the store we visited this week.

Since I was last there, the store, along with most of the city's supermarkets, lost its rabbinic supervision. The local rabbinate, known for its zealousness (it refuses to certify restaurants for Passover if they serve legumes), withdrew supervision for any store selling a popular brand of meat. The rabbinate claimed to have found serious irregularities in the factory. This has since been resolved, but the rabbinate also refuses to certify stores that rely on the heter mechirah during this sabbatical year. Some of the fresh food counters did have a kashrut certificate, and most products come in packages sealed by the manufacturer. But there are still issues.

Take this package of chicken wings. It looks like the frozen pieces were taken out of a box, placed on a tray, and wrapped in plastic. The Tnuva sticker was almost certainly slapped on by a store worker. And without supervision on the store itself, I have no assurance that the chicken came from where the label says it does.
Here's another concern for the kosher shopper. Note this sign on the freezer display:

The animal from which this cut of meat was taken has been slaughtered properly according to Jewish law, but not "kashered." Kashering meat involves soaking, salting and rinsing the meat in order to remove the blood. Hardly anyone soaks and salts meat at home; I've never done it, because the kosher butchers and meat-packers take care of it. Presumably the people buying it here prefer it because it's cheaper than kashered meat, and they don't keep kosher anyway.

This pitfall has nothing to do with kashrut:

The label reads "GROUND CHICKEN: From superior ground chicken meat." The smaller letters read, "With the addition of vegetable protein." If you want to know what percentage is meat, forget it. The label won't help you here. Instead, a notice warns consumers to eat the product only when fully cooked; I saw this on other products as well. I'm guessing this is a new well-meaning law on the books, like the one requiring every product containing gluten to be labelled as such. That law backfired, because companies afraid of lawsuits by the gluten-sensitive public began putting the labels on everything.

Then I went to look at the frozen vegetables. My husband still doesn't like me to buy "heter mechirah" produce (sigh) so I had to read the fine print here too:


The one on the left says it is kosher "according to heter mechirah" and the one on the left says that it's "yevul shishit," meaning that it comes from the produce of the sixth year. (It also has an extra "Badatz" kashrut symbol.) I once noticed a similar sign on a can of tomato paste several years after shmittah. it must have been the second or third year of the sabbatical cyle, so I thought the product was a few years old. Later realized that I wasn't meant to take the mention of the sixth year literally; it simply indicated that the produce was not from the problematical seventh year of the sabbatical cycle.

At that point E. reminded me that we needed to check that the store had sold its chametz. One may not eat leavened foods that were in the possession of a Jew over the Passover holiday. There are some products I generally buy in the shuk (open-air market), such as burgul (bulgur) wheat, but not immediately after Pesach; I only buy burgul, flour, pasta, and oats in a store that has sold its chametz. So while E. finished up her shopping I located the following sign:

This assures the customers that the chametz was properly sold. However, the mashgiach (kashrut supervisor) emphasizes that he cannot vouch for the kashrut of the store or any of its products, either on Pesach or year-round.

I half-expected a store worker to ask me why I was taking pictures. After all, this store used to have a sign at the entrance warning customers against writing down prices. But no one seemed to care.

I've only touched superficially on some of the kashrut issues and I hope that my less knowledgeable readers were able to follow.

Many thanks to E. for shlepping me and my groceries, and for vicariously contributing to this post. And join me in wishing her mazal tov on marrying off her oldest son.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

We don't even remember. . .

West Bank Mama wrote about her favorite parts of Pesach. I think mine might be the end of the first day, after Yom Tov is over and I realize I don't have to make another seder.

After I wrote my last post it occurred to me that we must have had two sedarim the year my son was born in New York, so I asked my husband if he remembered the second one. He also drew a total blank. That was the last time we had two, because we made aliyah the following fall. Conclusion: The second seder is completely forgettable.

Actually, I do remember the second seder from when I was a child. My parents always invited an unmarried, elderly Reform professor, for whom the second seder may have been a bit of a novelty. Or perhaps they just figured he was lonely. My parents didn't like the fact that he came late every year so they finally decided to start without him. That solved the problem.

Once, when we came to the discussion of "Arami oved avi" (a wandering Aramean was my father) in the haggadah, he made a comment. "You know, X has made great strides in ascribing this passage to E instead of to P" (a reference to scholarship regarding the alleged different authors of the Torah). This topic did not interest my father; he acknowledged the comment and continued the seder.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

My new look

I have been wanting to update the design of this blog for a while, but I am graphically challenged (as I may have mentioned). Help arrived in the form of the talented Leora, who blogs at There Here in Highland Park. She designed this lovely new banner and suggested switching to a more readable template. I hope you all like it.

I have had fun emailing back and forth with Leora. It turns out that one of her best friends from high school became my first friend after making aliyah (and she reads this blog). Yet another of Leora's friends was my college roommate, who still visits me on her occasional trips to Israel.

Leora often highlights her artwork in her blog: See Garden slideshow, Garden watercolor, and Broccoli. And here she explains why her family attends a Sephardi synagogue.

When she's not blogging, commenting, and gardening, Leora works at http://jewishstudies.rutgers.edu/ where she puts together free online courses on Jewish topics. Currently two courses are available, The Israeli Political System and the Bible and History.

She also enjoys small freelance jobs like this one: http://www.treatmentnj.com/, and is always looking for new projects.

Leora, it has been a pleasure to work with you. My readers and I thank you.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Our English Story Hour

My town doesn't attract a large number of new English-speaking olim, having been eclipsed by Raanana, distant Beit Shemesh and Modiin. But we now have a new attraction--an English story hour.

Our group consists of six or seven families. Some I knew before, and the rest met through our community's email list. Each week a different family hosts, chooses a book and plans a related activity. I was impressed with J, the most recent hostess. Despite having only one child, she managed to welcome the crowd and make us all feel comfortable. When I had only one or two small children I couldn't imagine inviting over one large family, much less a few small ones (most parents bring one or two children).

Today's story, The Gruffalo, is a cleverly written rhyme about a mouse who avoids getting eaten by the other forest animals and J provided materials for making a forest collage. I don't know where J got the idea, but the internet is full of activity ideas for popular children's books so non-crafty parents like myself don't have to scramble. When we hosted we read Pancakes by Eric Carle, and made pancakes. (No, I didn't have to search the internet for that idea.)

My kids (age 4 and 6) look forward to the story hour all week, and until I realized that my older children all end late that day I thought I would send them to supervise. But like all successful cooperative ventures, the story hour turned out to be as much fun for me as for the kids. I've even made some new friends, which doesn't happen often at my stage of life ("virtual" present company excluded).

We had something similar a few years ago but I never dreamed of finding enough parents to start it up again. So now all we have to do is await the influx of English speakers to our fair town. (Even though my location is an open secret, I hope you'll forgive me for being annoyingly circumspect.)

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Teens, Sex and Eating Disorders: An Interview with the Therapy Doc

Never one to turn down free professional advice, I didn't hesitate when blogger Therapy Doc suggested an interview here on my blog. Coincidentally, while "visiting" my blog TD and her husband are in Israel visiting their son in yeshiva; see here (the end of the post) and here.

Feel free to leave questions for Therapy Doc in the comments. My own questions are in bold.
Click here to continue reading.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My response to Rachel

New immigrant Rachel is undergoing culture shock on behalf of her children.

A friend once told me that I do my children a grave disservice by delaying their attendance in gan until they are 3, 4 or 5. She claimed that they need the gan experience in order to develop that tough exterior so useful in Israeli society. I don't know if she's right or not, but every action involves a tradeoff. If you only associate with American families, they will not learn Hebrew as quickly nor the ins and outs of Israeli society. And Israeli culture has positive values such as love of the land, close extended families, and less materialism. Even "protektzia" is positive when you are the beneficiary.

Rachel raises three specific issues.

  1. Neglect and benign abuse that are considered normal. Stick by your American standards regarding safety issues. Make sure the mother giving your kid a ride puts a seatbelt on him, and isn't planning to leave the house when he is visiting. Check who is supervising your kids' school trips and youth activities. Some parents will give you a hard time, but others will thank you even if it's only in their "hard" (as my 4yo puts it). Schools are allowed to release kids after 12:45 (not sure from what age, but definitely upper elementary grades) without notifying the parents. Your kids have to know what to do in that situation.
  2. Junk food. I've gathered that junk food is also a huge problem in the US. I've given up this battle for the most part, I'm sorry to say. My first-grader's classmates are constantly reminded not to bring junk, but the quantity given out at school makes up for this. I still control what I buy, but not always what comes into the house. My 4yo told a playgroup mother that we had had homemade pareve ice cream with food coloring and chemicals on Shabbat. In reality, a guest had brought cookies filled with colored gel. My kids know what's healthy and why we don't buy certain things.
  3. Manners. When we see others push into line, we can explain to our children how it feels to be pushed and the prohibition against "gezel zman" (stealing the time of others). Saying thank you and you're welcome is important. However, our ultimate goal is for children to feel gratitude and be sensitive to others. I don't insist that my children use these words, but hope they will follow my example. And they generally do. But that is more about my parenting approach than cultural difference.
Here are more tips on keeping kids close.
  • Send them to gan as late as possible. Less junk food and bullying, fewer parent meetings and birthday parties--what more could you want?
  • Look for like-minded parents, including Israeli ones. Find people who will teach you about the system, in order to understand and influence it.
  • Focus on the positive--both in your children and in Israeli life. Israel has improved in many areas such as safety awareness and handicapped access.
  • Limit the amount of time your kids spend with friends and get to know the parents. Remember that just because someone is American doesn't mean they have the same values and standards as you.
  • Invest time in building up a support network for your family.
  • Depending on where you live, you may be exposed to a much wider variety of cultural experiences and mindsets than you were in the US. The parents who are unaware of safety issues may have grown up in a home where those issues were not on the radar screen.
  • Limit time spent in gan, daycare and afterschool programs, hugim (afterschool activities), and youth groups, and stay on top of what happens there.
  • Let your kids know why you do things differently, without criticizing other parents. Their approaches may be valid, especially in a different cultural system.
  • Be realistic and avoid stereotypes. Are kids in American dayschools always welcoming to new kids? Do teachers always have complete control of the class? Do all American parents put their kids in seatbelts every single time?
  • Teach children to respect their own individuality and that of others. Give them the confidence to withstand negative social pressure.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

How to raise kids in a place where neglect is normal (!?)

In response to my recent post about neglectful parents, Rachel writes:

I just moved to Israel and I'm shocked that what I consider neglect and benign abuse is considered normal. And not doing it puts you in the category of "freier" [sucker] (which I consider a compliment because it is the type of behavior I want). So my question is how to raise a family when all the values that you consider important go against the norm? I want my children to have better supervision. I want them to eat healthy and not eat Bisli all day long. I want them to have manners, respect people, not cut through lines, etc.
It is easy to say to simply do it at home and they will imitate you, but kids spend so many hours in school and with friends. The environment has a huge influence on kids and as much as you want them to have your values it seems that you are the minority in this country.
So, my question again, how do you raise kids to have your values and not society's values?
Rachel, before I let my readers reply in the comments section, I suggest printing out your question and looking at it again in another ten years.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

"Ma, we live in a slum"

When my husband's aunt and uncle made aliyah from the US in the 60's, they spent a few years in Bnei Brak. That first morning, one of the children noticed laundry hanging outside some nearby buildings. "Ma," he said, "We live in a slum."

A reader of my post, Twelve Things I Love about Israel, had a similar reaction when I listed laundry as one of my favorite Israeli activities. (Helene, if you're still around please delurk.) I think it's a shame that so many Israelis use dryers; we have sun nine months out of twelve. Even on cloudy, threatening days a good wind can blow laundry dry in a few hours.

Most Israeli apartment buildings contain a shaft just for laundry lines. A decorative railing hides your dirty (from the pollution) linens but allows air to circulate. In my old building, the lines were completely covered by a concrete roof. In my current apartment I have to pay attention to the state of the clouds. If only the weather report would predict the exact hour rain will fall on my nearly dry clothes.

From the 6th floor window, out of which I do my hanging, I have a view of a dangerous, unsignalled intersection. A left turn is legal only in one of the four directions, and drivers coming from the side street can't go straight; they must turn right.

Israeli drivers are affronted, I mean affronted, when forbidden to go straight through an intersection. The violation rate is about one per load of laundry. Once or twice I reported a truck driver to his employer, but without a license plate number they couldn't identify him. When I am driving behind someone about to make an illegal turn I start honking; I also signal the correct direction to drivers as I'm crossing the street. My kids start cheering if I get the drivers to change their mind.

I'm protective of that intersection; my kids cross there all the time. Occasionally the police stake out the corner and catch offenders; I figure they get about 0.0001% of the lawbreakers. I haven't noticed a deterrent effect.

I'll be watching, though.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Welcome olim and potential olim

If you got here through the Aliyah Blog (and even if you didn't), welcome! This blog has moved to AMotherinIsrael.Com. I've listed links for olim about choosing schools, gan, child safety, finances and more.